Welcome the Young Israel of St. Louis—Purim Edition

Yes, this meant as a joke. If we offended anyone, we apologize. The real website is still here. You can see the previous Purim Spoofsites from 5769 and 5768 and 5767.

Music from Aish Hatorah

School News

In light of the recent foofaraw in the local day school and the success of the US army's "An Army of One", we are proud to present our newest proposal:

From now on, all schools will have a maximum enrollment of one student. Yours. No more complaining about the administration, except in front of the mirror. No more problematic hashkafa. No need for financial aid, since you set the tuition. It's all good!

School motto: Kwitcher Krying

Better School Motto

פראקטיק שולע איז די בעסטע שולע אבער די פרייז איז זייער טייער

Tales of the Delmar Chassidim

  • A man is hired to paint the exterior of the shul. He figures the members don't know anything about painting, so he can make a little extra money by watering down the paint; no one would ever notice. He works for three days painting the shul, smiling greedily to himself, when there is a sudden bolt of lightning and rain pours down. All of his watered-down paint is washed away. He cries out in despair, "What have I done? What can I do now?" The Delmar Rebbe walks by and calmly declaims:
    Repaint, repaint and thin no more!
  • Rahm Emanuel excitedly calls his mother. "Imma, I want you to join me in the White House for Purim. Obama arranged for a special Megillah reading for the members of the administration, in the Oval Office!"
    His mother replies hesitantly, "But it's so far from Chicago to Washington, and airplanes are so expensive..."
    "No problem. I can have a detachment of Marines pick you up, and you can fly on Air Force One right to Washington!"
    "But finding a cab, in a strange city..."
    "No, Imma. The White House helicopter will bring you straight to the lawn, and you can stay in the Lincoln Bedroom!"
    "Oh, all right. I'll see you on Purim."
    His mother calls Ethel, her best friend.
    "So, I'm going to my son for Purim."
    "Your son? The doctor?"
    Sigh..."No, the other one."

Purim Torah from the Midrash Shikker Tov (these might be a bit obscure)

  • It's a little known fact that Achashverosh had two mothers-in-law. As it says in אסתר א:ט
    וַשְׁתִּי הַמַּלְכָּה עָשְׂתָה מִשְׁתֵּה נָשִׁים Vashti the queen was made from two women.
    What's more, we know their names. In אסתר א:יב we read:
    וַחֲמָתוֹ בָּעֲרָה בוֹ And his mother-in-law was Baarah Vo.
    And later we read in אסתר ב:א
    כְּשׁךְ חֲמַת הַמֶּלֶךְ אֲחַשְׁוֵרוֹשׁ Keshoch was the mother-in-law of King Achashverosh.
    Not that there's anything wrong with that.
    You might object from אסתר ז:י
    וַחֲמַת הַמֶּלֶךְ שָׁכָכָה And his mother-in-law was Shachacha.
    But that is after he marries Esther, so Shachacha must be the name of Esther's mother. But that cannot be, as it says in אסתר ב:ז
    כִּי אֵין לָהּ אָב וָאֵם for she had no mother or father.
    Therefore, we must translate שָׁכָכָה as forgotten and read pasuk in אסתר ז:י as And his mother-in-law was forgotten. Now, there is no contradiction.
    The implications of the pasuk וְהַמֶּלֶךְ קָם בַּחֲמָתוֹ are too risqué to be printed in a family website like this.
  • Where do we see the mitzvah of drunkenness in the Megillah? We see a hint in the fact that in the Torah, Noach's name is always written chaser (missing the vowel): נחַ, but in the Megillah it is always maley (full): נוֹחַ. This teaches us that we should be as full as Noach was with wine. This proves that we should get drunk on wine, but how do we know that we fulfill the mitzvah with other alcoholic beverages? The Megillah refers to שׁוּשַׁן הַבִּירָה The lily (a reference to the Jewish people) went to the beer. And how do we know that stronger drink is preferable? The Megillah says, וַאֲשֶׁר נִתַּן כֶּתֶר מַלְכוּת בְּראשׁוֹ And happy is he who has the Crown Royal in his head.
  • The Danger from the North

    We know that the war in the end of days will be with Gog the king of Magog (יחזקאל לח), but where is this Magog? The navi tells us, (יחזקאל לח,טו)
    וּבָאתָ מִמְּקוֹמְךָ, מִיַּרְכְּתֵי צָפוֹן
    You have come from your place in the end of the North, but where in the north? Rabbi Elazar explained (יומא י:א)
    דכתיב (בראשית י) בני יפת גומר ומגוג ומדי ויון ותובל ומשך ותירס. גומר זה גרממיא מגוג זו קנדיא It is written: The sons of Japeth were Gomer, Magog, Medea, Greece, Meshech, and Tirosh. Gomer is Germany, and Magog is Canada...
    But where in Canada? We might learn his place from the navi, as it says (יחזקאל לט:ה)
    עַל פְּנֵי הַשָּׂדֶה תִּפּוֹל And on the face of the field you shall fall.
    And also, (יחזקאל לט:יא)
    אֶתֵּן לְגוֹג מְקוֹם...קִדְמַת הַיָּם And I will give Gog a place...in front of the sea. So his place is the Beach of the Pasture (in Gaelic, Calgary).
    Or we might learn his place from אבות א,יא,
    היזהרו...שמא...תגלו למקום המים הרעים
    Be careful, lest you be exiled to the place of evil water "Bad Water" you say? or should it be the Place of Beautiful Waters (in Iroquoian, Ontario)? But there is no contradiction: just as Moses sweetened the water of Marah with a tree, so too do the evil waters become beautiful after coming to the Tree Standing in the Water (in Mohawk, Toronto).
    And who is Gog? There is no proof for the matter, but there is a hint to the matter (הושע י:יד)
    וקם שאון בעמך וכל מבצריך יושד, כשוד שלמן Therefore shall a tumult arise among thy hosts, and all thy fortresses shall be destroyed, as the destruction wreaked by שלמן.
    But the identity of שלמן shall remain hidden until the coming of Elijah who will answer all questions and dilemmas.

Upcoming Events

To reserve the shul for an event, please review the facility use information and contact the office. There may be dates reserved that have not yet been entered on the calendar.